Playing by the rules

Whenever I am over- taken by nostalgia for a kinder, gentler era, I remind myself that there is probably no better time in history to be a woman, particularly of a certain age. First, and most importantly, we are still alive. But also, we are in- creasingly our own bosses and we make our own rules. Nowhere is this more apparent than in fashion, where the new rule appears to be that there are none. Miniskirts after 40? Sequins for day? Buying our own diamonds? Anything goes now that style has become more about self- expression than following hemlinc dictates from Paris.

   This freedom from social stric-tures is indeed marvellous, except when we find ourselves confronted by enduring traditional roles. Case in point: how to dress when it’s our turn to be Mother ofthe Bride. Or, for that matter, a parent at gradua- tion or a spouse at a [irm’s annual gala. What happens to “anything goes" then? And should our choice ofattire still be an exercise of our right to self-expression when the whole point ofthe event is about meeting social expectations? A friend ofmine, the first in our set to actually play the dreaded role of MOTB, found herself wishing there were still some rules to go by when it came to choosing her dress. "It’s not that I want to wear the frumpy Mother of the Bride gown," she said. "But I don’t want to wear just any old dress.

    Plus, it’s hard to knowjust how sexy or covered up to be." Luckily, this friend happens to look fabulous in a paper bag, so itwasn’t much ofa stretch to come up with a cocktail-length dress in a pretty floral print that was both flattering and appropriate. Time was, when my lawyer husband was but a young articling stu dent and I was his pretty young arm candy; it was easy to know wh at to wear to a corporate function. As the kids at the table, all was forgiven if we simply did our best to look as smashing as possible (young blood, it seems, is always welcome and at  tractive in any form,). Now that we have morphed over the years into the grown-ups at the same table, it’s easier to make missteps.

    Dressing too young for your age, too dramatically for your role or too sexy for a buttoned-up event ultimately comes off as too eager and EDO desperate for attention.what’s more, we are naive if we think that expec tations of how we should present ourselves have really disappeared with the rules. In the way that mmaturity demands that we not put our own needs fist on every occasion, when our role at the event is not that of headliner but of supporting east, it is important to dress accordingly. Indeed, I have begun to unravel my own “what to wear now" conun  drums by approaching the situation as if I were Edith Head designing costumes for a film or play. 

    When standing dripping wet in my closet looking for something to wear to an event where I have a prescribed part to play, I simply ask myself WWED (What Would Edith Do)? And this is what I imagine the late, great Edith would say; nothing excessively dramatic, surprising or attention grabbing. This one’s part in the production is gracefully in the background. Make her look good but not outstanding, light her well and set hcr on her way.